Saturday, April 3, 2010

Where is the Maid?

I could use a maid right now. Not just any maid will do, though.

I need one that likes to constantly pick up half-filled water cups, do dishes and pick up the same toys 3-4 times per day. This maid will need to have the patience of a saint, and the mopping skills of a Merry Maid, and not be afraid to vacuum the same area of carpet 17 times during the day just in case somehow crumbs and small bits of plastic and paper always gravitate to a certain spot.

This maid will need to be able to launder the same size 6 skirt several times a week, because there might be a 4-year-old who forgets that wearing it for two hours doesn't mean it needs to go into the wash right away.

This maid will need to be able to track down small, baby-attractive items that mere mortals miss, but that a 10-month-old easily spies from 20 feet away.

This maid should also have excellent bite-dodging skills to be able to deftly avoid the unbelievably sharp teeth of a 10-month-old, and be able to continuously pick up cheerios which always seem to be scattered about the house.

This maid should be available for water runs, bottom wiping, remote finding, temperature adjusting and random cooking at the drop of a hat.

This maid should require very little sleep, if any, and be available 24-7 to customers, clients and family.

And because I believe in the team effort, I can continue to take care of some things as well.

I will continue to handle the on-demand hugs and kisses for three amazing children that, although sometimes argue too much with each other, are loving and happy and really energetic. I can also take on the task of cuddling, playing Candy Land, chess and reading many short books to these short people running around the house. And when the need arises for cheesy popcorn, I can make a big bowl and sit with the kids on the couch while we watch silly movies (I will make sure we will lift up our feet to let the vacuum through, though).

I will go ahead and continue to have the long philosophical discussions with the 9-year-old, sit on the lap of the man of the house (when appropriate), and laugh heartily of the endless stream of knock-knock jokes that don't totally make sense (but that the kids seem to think are hilarious). And, oh, I will also de-tangle the 4-year-old's curly hair in the bath and sing night-night songs when I tuck all three in at night.

Hope that's ok.

Any takers?




  1. Jennifer, if and when you find someone like that, can you find out if they have a twin or the ability to be in 2 places at once because I need the same thing...although I have not just 3 little angels running around the house, I have 5 ;) I will gladly pay you a finders

  2. Heh heh -- I will definitely let you know!!! The more the merrier, I always say. :D


  3. JENN!!! ok, I'm asking Janice/Ronnie if I can take a leave of absence so I can be your maid. I can't promise that I'd be a great help but I'd love to sit with you all, watch those movies and eat popcorn, and all that. OK, I may not make a good maid, but I wish I was there with ya!!!

    love you LOTS!!!! miss you LOTS!!!

  4. Too cute!

    WOW!! You vacuum? Impressive indeed. :)

  5. Wanda -- oh please, do! Even if you don't clean, you know I clean better when someone is sitting with me and listening to me ramble on and reminding me what task I'm working on LOL!!

    We got your card today -- Malkolm was all happy. It was pretty cool - thanks for doing that.

    Michelle - LOL! Yeah, well, when there's a 10-month-old vacuum around, it seems I have to use our vacuum more. The alternative is a lot of gagging, and minor injuries for me from diving across the floor to try to grab the offending material before it makes it's way into her mouth, or getting slimed by baby saliva as I sweep her mouth to get it out just before it's swallowed. And of course, sometimes seeing special treats in her diaper.