Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sometimes it Takes a Sledghammer

I took my daughter to her 9-month well-baby check-up this morning. Above average across the board, and like her big brother Malkolm, her head measurement is off the chart. heh. She looks so much like him when he was a baby. I've become accustomed to calling her Malkolm's Twinkie lately. Looking at her is like looking in a reverse Malkolm mirror.

I was on the way home from this appointment, and I became fully aware how much encouragement and support we were receiving and the feeling of being so unworthy really hit me hard. Not the safest thing in all the land, to be driving in the rain and crying with my mom asking me every couple of minutes if I wanted her to drive (sorry I made you nervous mama!). It is truly overwhelming how people are unabashedly giving of themselves, caring about our son and our family. ... Willing to extend themselves beyond their own circles of comfort to help repair and bolster ours.

How is it possible that these people who are blessing us with their prayers, gifts, letters, words of encouragement are feeling blessed themselves? Someone buying Malkolm's story or giving us gifts and thanking US? It really doesn't make any sense, you know?

How can one be clearly taking so much, and yet both feel as though they are getting the better end of the deal?

And then I remembered that when God is involved, when God is in the center of any relationship that there is fulfillment on both ends. Both parties feel like they are sucking each other dry and yet both come away more complete and fulfilled than before. Another BIG clue for me that God is controlling all of this. Not just on surgery day. Not just today or tomorrow, but 10 years ago, and 10 years from now.

If that's not some kind of special miracle, I don't know what is.

Sometimes when you can't see the forest through the trees, it takes a little tap with a sledgehammer to open your eyes. I guess sometimes a sledgehammer comes in many forms. Why does it take a sledgehammer for me to realize that I have to let go and let God? I KNOW it doesn't matter what doctor is doing the surgery, if he has only done one other surgery like Malkolm's, or if he has done a million of them. Malkolm is in the hands of the Ultimate Surgeon and God is in the middle of all of this.

Comforting indeed.



1 comment:

  1. Jennifer, I loved this. I had such a sweet image of your mama there for you as your cried driving down the road. :) I'm so sorry things are hard right now.