Well, it's five days away from his 10th birthday. I look back on the past year and marvel how time can go by so fast. Remember when you were little, summer seemed like it lasted forever? At this point, I'm wondering if somehow the summer months were shortened.
Malkolm came home from school last week and told me about the fire drill they had. He said "You know Mom, I could really tell a difference when we were going out for the fire drill. It wasn't hard to keep up with everyone like it used to be!" AMAZING!!
Taking out a bit of muscle (about the size of a deck of cards) and installing that defibrillator has made all the difference in the world for his quality of life. He's completely off his heart meds, his energy levels are through the roof compared to what they used to be, and he's back to his happy self, seemingly with more confidence than ever.
I bought some scar patches to put on his scars to soften and lighten them, and he wasn't too thrilled about the idea. I asked him why and he said he wanted to remember what happened and that these scars reminded him and he was proud of getting through all that. Of course, then he added "and don't girls like scars?" Sure thing son. Sure thing.
I have to say ... God has been so so so good to our family. Bringing my son and our family through this experience, allowing us to see the blessings all the way through. Looking back, I can really see that all the energy and love and support we received through this experience made everything so much easier for us. It's like God knew exactly what we needed and put all the puzzle pieces in place for us to have that.
As we approach this date, I am thinking a lot about what we've been through. I can't believe Malkolm had open heart surgery less than six months ago, and here he is, running, jumping on the trampoline, just finally getting to be the kid that was always there wanting to participate but never really getting to. I look at my other two young ones and I can FEEL God's love for me flowing through them, and even if I lost all of this tomorrow, I've SEEN that love and I understand what it means to be His child and I know I have been blessed beyond anything that I could ever hope for ever deserve.
I recently had a miscarriage and the peace that I have about it, the kind of peace that can only come from God, didn't really make sense to my friends. They were telling me -- "Jennifer, really it's okay to be upset you shouldn't try to be strong all the time, it's okay to be sad." But I really am totally okay. And you know, it's not what I would have chosen, but I know things are as they should be. Everything has it's place.
I think going through Malkolm's surgery, seeing his complete faith about how God was in control ... it's affected me on so many levels, and has renewed my own faith, a faith that continues to grow stemming from the faith shown by my 9-year-old son. Whether or not I agree with anything that happens is really not the point. It's the understanding and awareness that God lives in the forever now. He sees everything from this moment to 500 years from now in an instant. How can we possibly even begin to fathom the scope of that?
On that note, I just want to PRAISE the Lord for the blessings that we have, for the life he's given us, for the trials he's brought us through that make us stronger and for the time, however brief or long, we have with our loved ones. God is good. God is in control. Thank you Lord for taking this weight of worry off my shoulders and I pray that you do the same for anyone who might be reading this.